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The Oregon Trail
Season 1, Episode 2
Oregon Trail
Air date October 2012
Running time 240 seconds

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The Oregon Trail is the sixth sketch in Season 1 Episode 2 of Studio C

Summary (from YouTube)Edit

The Oregon Trail is full of peril.


{The welcome screen for "The Oregon Trail" (labeled "The Oregonian Trail" on the banner) is shown, with the music playing & the "Enter" in the "Press ENTER to Play" blinking. The screen transitions to the gamescreen, & Jason, Whitney, Matt, & Mallory (all dressed in pioneer clothing) march in & are acting like they're walking through the actual Oregon Trail. As they're walking, a tree walks pass them by sidestep.}

JASON: {to Mallory} Well, how long you reckon we've been on the trail, Mallory?

MALLORY: About twelve days by my reckonin', Pa. 

JASON: Well, hot cornbread! We're makin' good time! 

{A flowchart pops up, reading "A wheel on your wagon broke. Your wagon can't move until it's fixed." As the wagon on the screen breaks down as the flowchart says, Whitney, Matt, & Mallory groan is disappointment.}

JASON: Now don't you worry, ya'll. I'm a carpenter. I'll have this wagon here fixed in no time. 

{He walks up to the broken down wagon, pulls out a hammer, & acts like he's fixing the wagon.}

WHITNEY: I'm sure glad you chose a useful profession, Jason. I don't know what we would've done if you were a banker--or Heaven forbid, an accountant!

{She nudges Matt with her elbow as he & Mallory look at each other, nodding in agreement. Jason, seemingly done, gets up & Progress music in played & the broken wagon is back to normal.)

JASON: All fixed up! Let's roll out!

{He returns in front of the line & the team resume their marching. Another flowchart pops up, reading "Mallory makes a trade for some buffalo hide blankets."}

JASON: Well done, Mallory! You're a real asset to our family! 

MALLORY: Look! Here's comes another one! 

{As she said, another flowchart pops up, reading "Matt gets typhoid fever." Just as this appears, the same tree walks pass them.}

MATT: Oh... Sweet mercy! That's the third time! We've only been out here for twelve days! 

{As he complains, Mallory wraps her quilt onto Matt.}

WHITNEY: Now don't worry, son. We'll get you through this. 

{Another flowchart pops up, reading "Mallory goes hunting & shoots 4 buffalo. You got 2400 pounds of food, but you can only carry back 50." As Mallory feels proud of this, an Indian walks by doing a traditional powwow.

JASON: Congratulations, Mallory! And don't you worry about all that wasted meat. Why, there's a million of those things! 

{The Indian overhears this, & he appears shocked & runs off.)

WHITNEY: Look! Here's comes another one! Maybe you've recovered, Matt! 

{The next flowchart pops up, reading "Matt contracts dysentery." The four groan upon reading this.)

MATT: You have to be kidding me! I haven't even recovered from my third amount of typhoid! 

JASON: Don't worry, son. You'll live to see the Willamette Valley yet. 

MATT: But don't you see what's going on here? The Oregon Trail is out to get me! 

{As he complains, the tree once again passes by them.)

MATT: {continued} Ever since we left Missouri, I've had one misfourtune after another, & I swear that is the same tree we have passed five times! 

{He points at the tree as it passes by them. Angry, the tree tells Matt that it has its eyes on him, which shocks Matt. It leaves.}

MALLORY: Look on the bright side, Matt. This can't possibly be worse than that time you were crushed by that falling boulder. 

WHITNEY: Or the time you nearly drowned in the Kansas River. 

JASON: Or when that stampede got loose & trampled you for hours...

{Whitney giggles as Matt nods by this.}

JASON: {continued} And hours... And days! 

MALLORY: Look, here comes another one! I bet this time it's good news!

{The next flowchart pops up, reading "Matt gets mauled by a bear". Just as the four groan in disappointment, the sentence is continued with "& lives". Just as they seem happy by this, the sentence is concluded his the word "barely." Just as the four once again groan, the bear walks up behind Matt &, with a swing of his paw, hits Matt in the head & he falls to the ground.}

JASON: Get on out of here, bear! Git! 

{After the bear leaves, Jason, Whitney, & Mallory go & see Matt, who's groaning from after the bear attack.}

JASON: {continued} Now don't let that bear get you down, son. He's could've chose to maul any of us. He just chose you because you're the weakest & most vulnerable. 

{Whitney & Mallory both nod in agreement.}

MATT: Water...

MALLORY: Quick! Get him some water! 


{She gives Matt her canteen.}

WHITNEY: {continued} Here you go, son! 

{Just as Matt drinks from the canteen, the next flowchart pops up. It reads: "Water is poisoned. Matt's organs are liquified."}

MATT: Oh, please!

{He angrily points his finger at the flowchart.}

MATT: {continued} You will rue the day you messed with me, Oregon Trail! 

{The next flowchart pops up, & it reads "Matt is shot by a passing war party..." The same Indian comes in with a bow & arrow & shoots Matt. He then drops a rubber snake on Matt just as the sentence is continued with "bitten by a rattlesnake...". Finally, just as he is about to leave, the Indian pokes Matt in the eyes after the sentence concludes with "& goes blind." Matt rolls in pain.}

WHITNEY: Oh dear...

MATT: That it... Just go on without me!

WHITNEY: Never! We won't leave you behind! 

MATT: No, really. You'd be doing me a favor. 

MALLORY: Things will get better! You'll see! 

{Just as she says this, the next flowchart pops up. This time, it reads "Matt gets better."}

JASON: All is well! 

{The four exclaim estatically as Matt happily gets back up on his feet. As the progress music plays, the four get back in line.}

JASON: {continued} Williamette Valley, here we come! 

WHITNEY: Yee-haw! 

{They happily march off-screen, seemingly unaware that they left behind their canteen. After they leave, the final flowchart pops up. It reads: "Matt trips & falls off a cliff." Upon this, the sound of Matt's falling scream can be heard. This concludes with the game saying "- GAME OVER -", with the wagon broken down & the theme music playing.}



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